Comments for Chrissie

Saturday turned out to be a beautiful sunny day at the beach, thank you all for praying!  It was still a red flag wind day, but that made huge waves and big smiles on the faces of our boogie-boarding kiddos!  We spent a few hours in the ocean after lunch, then headed in for naps/quiet time.  Shortly after we made it inside, it started to rain, so that made us really appreciate the SONshine God blessed us with on the beach.  After dinner, Daddy took the big kids to the public fishing pier while I stayed home to get Kiefer to bed.  Kiefer and I enjoyed the one-on-one time while the big kids enjoyed their time on the pier with Daddy (and no one had to chase Kiefer around or worry about him climbing the rails and disappearing into the ocean!).  They only caught a couple of fish, but they were begging to go back again tonight!  Unfortunately, it rained almost all day and night here today, so we didn't have much ocean time and we didn't return to the pier.  But we still had a wonderful time as a family watching movies, playing games, enjoying meals and sweets, and just hanging out.

We woke this morning with excitement as we saw it was a green flag day!!!  WOOHOO!  We ate a yummy breakfast, then headed to the beach.  Some of the guys fished (Sawyer won the fishing award today...way to go, Buckshot!) while others played in the sand and surf.  The kids learned a new boogie board technique as they tried to ride the small, manageable waves of the "green flag" surf, but they unanimously decided they prefer the big waves of red flag days, even though it beats everyone up!

For some reason, I felt determined today to find a whole sand dollar, in memory of Chrissie.  I found myself suddenly obsessed with this challenge as I stood on the beach.  I found myself begging God to send me a sand dollar, a WHOLE sand dollar, that I could keep and treasure in memory of Chrissie.  I don't know what it was with this obsession, but I was a little shocked when I actually found myself telling God things like, "Come on, God, the least you could do is send me a sand dollar, after all, you took my daughter!  And I'd like a WHOLE sand dollar, not a broken one.  Chrissie is no longer broken, she is whole.  Please send me a WHOLE sand dollar.  You are able, God.  You could drop one right at my feet if you wanted to.  I'm asking you to do that, God.  Please."

Well, I know you're dying for me to tell you that God did just that, but He didn't.

I only found broken sand dollars.

And I wouldn't even pick one up.  My daughter is no longer broken, so I don't want a broken sand dollar.  I want a whole one.  And not one that I have to buy.  I want one from God. 

There are TONS of shells at this beach.  With every crashing wave on the shore, about a thousand shells wash up.  Seriously.  And I saw a girl walking along who  just reached down and picked up a big ole beautiful conch seashell.  Whole.  (Yes, I found myself a little jealous.  If it would have been a sand dollar, I probably would have fought her for it!)

After about a half-hour of my sand dollar hunting obsession, I came to grips that God wasn't going to send me a WHOLE sand dollar.  And I was OK with it.  I decided to go sit on the shore next to the rest of my family, who all were taking a break at the same time, lined up one by one along the shore.  Moments after I sat down, it started to POUR down rain.  Big huge, hard sheets of rain.  And the raindrops hurt.  (They kind of felt like acid hitting our skin!)  We said we'd just stick it out, but our skin was burning, so we packed up and ran back to the house.

Instead of toting in a treasured WHOLE sand dollar, all I toted in was a bunch of rain-drenched towels and beach garb.  But somehow, I didn't feel bitter.  I felt fine.  I guess that was God giving me peace during my disappointment.  Or Chrissie "bossing" my heart! :-)

I just felt that I should document my obsession today because it was probably my first episode of feeling some anger toward God for taking Chrissie Home.  I guess that means I'm moving to the next stage of grief, another step in the healing process.  (Don't get me wrong...I've had MANY emotions and too many tears to imagine, but anger hasn't been an emotion I've felt.  Disappointment.  Sadness.  Frustration.  Confusion.  And now anger.  Hopefully that will be my only episode with anger/bitterness.  Hopefully.)

We all got showered and cleaned up, ate lunch, took naps (the big kids watched a movie during nap time), and woke to more rain.  But it was glorious.  I don't usually nap.  Today I felt very tired, so I closed my eyes and woke 2 hours later to rain.  I love the idea of napping on rainy days, but I usually can't, so today was a joyful day since I napped on a rainy day! :-)  I had hoped to take family and individual photos at the beach this evening, but it was still raining this evening so that desire flew out the window.  I actually felt a little relieved because I was so groggy from the nap that I couldn't imagine trying to get everyone together for family photos!

Just before dinner, the rain let up a little and the red flag was back up, so Parker, Sawyer and Mattie ran down to the ocean to boogie board in the big waves.  They had a blast.

After dinner, we watched the first DVD in the Heaven sermon series by Steve Berger, pastor of Grace Chapel in Tennessee.  We decided that this would be a good "movie" choice since we didn't go to church this morning.  We were all blessed by the teaching.  (I recommended in a different post the book Have Heart by The Bergers, whose son went to Heaven on his 19th birthday after a car accident).  Well, the DVD series is just as good as the book.  (It's a series of sermons that Pastor Steve began preaching just 51 days after his son, Josiah, went to live with Jesus.)  If you or someone you know is grieving the loss of a loved one, I HIGHLY recommend the Have Heart book and/or Heaven DVD sermon series.  You can click HERE to purchase them or read more about them.

One thing I realized after watching the first Heaven DVD tonight is that Chrissie is interceding for many of us.  She's praying for us.  I believe she's praying for you all, too.  I believe God has enabled her to see/hear/know who all prayed for her during her 31-day hospital battle.  (My belief is based upon Scripture.)  I believe Chrissie is interceding for those of you who haven't accepted Christ as your Savior because she so badly wants you to experience the glorious Heaven that she is loving right now.  (Grandma Jo...do you hear that?!? :-)  I do believe that Chrissie was with Grandma Jo as she bossed her heart, and I believe Chrissie would rejoice to play a role in saving Grandma Jo's life...here on earth and eternally!  And I believe God will allow Chrissie to see/experience/rejoice in the lives of all of those who prayed for her and told us how Chrissie changed their lives.  To God be all the glory!

I still receive emails from people who share stories of how Chrissie continues to change their lives, even as she lives in Heaven.  When I hear about these stories, I rejoice.  Every parent who loses a child on earth wants to make sure their child's legacy lives on.  I continue to be amazed at how God uses Chrissie's life to change the hearts of people here on earth.  And I think it's way cool that Chrissie is able to experience that while she lives in Heaven.  So amazing!

I think it would be really amazing to have a collection (in one spot...hopefully here on this post in the comment section) of ways Chrissie changed your life.  That would be a really neat legacy that we could all rejoice together in.  If Chrissie changed your life, your heart, your relationship with God, your relationship with others, would you please leave a comment here?  We would be SO grateful to have a compilation (in one spot) of the many ways that Chrissie's legacy continues here on earth.  (To leave a comment, just scroll down to the bottom of this post and it should say "leave a comment".  You can login with your Facebook identity or any of the other logins available by the "leave a comment" section.)  If you have problems leaving a comment (which I pray you won't since we've changed the comment system 3 times now!), please email me at Lorraine@ForgottenSawRanch.com.  And maybe I'll collect 1 seashell for every comment left and put them in a jar as a testament to God's goodness and Chrissie's legacy.  And I'll even collect the broken sand dollars for the jar. :-)

Thank you!

Edit: I changed the title of this post to "Comments for Chrissie" so that people will be able to find this post more easily when they come to leave a comment.  Please help us spread the word (via your Facebook, Twitter, blog or any other social networking site) that we're hoping to create a collection of comments for Chrissie from all of the people out there whose lives were touched by Chrissie.  It doesn't have to be anything fancy or profound.  Just leave a "comment for Chrissie" to let her (and us) know she touched your life.  (Of course if you'd like to share more about the details of how your life has been affected by Chrissie, we welcome that as well, but don't feel obligated.  A simple "Chrissie touched my life" will be sufficient if that is all you want to share.)  We are so looking forward to having this collection, and we are most grateful for each of you who are taking the time to leave a comment!  God bless you!